Category: Ω Board Games

It’s a momentous time. Art has been revolutionized by the invention of “perspective,” and also of “funding.” A picture used to be worth a dozen or so words; these new ones are more like a hundred. Oil paintings have gotten so realistic that you’ve hired an artist to do a portrait of you each morning, so you can make sure your hair is good. Busts have gotten better too; no more stopping at the shoulders, they go all the way to the ground. Science and medicine have advanced; there’s no more superstition, now they know the perfect number of leeches to apply for each ailment. You have a clock accurate to within an hour, and a calendar accurate to within a week. Your physician heals himself, and your barber cuts his own hair. This is truly a golden age.

You’ve always been a night person; lately you’ve even considered becoming a vampire. There are a lot of advantages: you don’t age; you don’t have to see yourself in mirrors anymore; if someone asks you to do something, you can just turn into a bat, and then say, sorry, I’m a bat. There are probably some downsides though. You always think of the statue in the town square that came to life and now works as the tavern barmaid. The pedestal came to life too, so she has to hop around. The village blacksmith turns into a wolf whenever there’s a full moon; when there’s a crescent moon, he turns into a chihuahua. That’s how this stuff goes sometimes. Still, when you breathe in the night air, you feel ready for anything.

Dominion, that’s what you’re trying to achieve. This time with animals! They each have a lesson to teach, whether it’s how to spit really far or what kind of grass tastes the best. It’s a lot to keep track of, but you’re like an elephant: you remember everything. And you’re afraid of mice. You’ve taken up riding. Horses are intimidating; they say you can lead a horse to water, but you haven’t managed it, so you’re working your way up, starting with dogs. So far so good; the dog hasn’t bucked you off yet. Your menagerie got off to a poor start, with just a goat, two rats, and the advisor who suggested starting a menagerie. You couldn’t get that fox you wanted, but it was probably bad anyway. Now you’ve got some camels, which are just as useless for sewing as you’d been warned, and a turtle that can hold its breath for longer than anyone can stay interested. Soon the animal kingdom will be yours.

The world is big and your kingdom gigantic. It’s no longer a kingdom really; it’s an empire — which makes you the emperor. This entitles you to a better chair, plus you can name a salad after yourself.

It’s not easy being emperor. The day starts early, when you light the sacred flame; then it’s hours of committee meetings, trying to establish exactly why the sacred flame keeps going out. Sometimes your armies take over a continent and you just have no idea where to put it. And there’s the risk of assassination; you have a food taster, who tastes anything before you eat it, and a dagger tester, who gets stabbed by anything before it stabs you. You’ve taken to staying at home whenever it’s the Ides of anything. Still, overall it’s a great job. You wouldn’t trade it for the world — especially given how much of the world you already have.

Dominion: Empires, the tenth addition to the game of Dominion, contains 96 metal tokens and 300 cards, with cards you can buy now and pay for later, piles with two different cards, and Landmarks that add new ways to score. VP tokens and Events return from previous sets.

Times have been hard. To save on money, you’ve moved out of your old castle and into a luxurious ravine. You didn’t like that castle anyway; it was always getting looted and never at a reasonable hour. And if it wasn’t barbarians it was the plague, or sometimes both would come at once, and there wouldn’t be enough chairs. The ravine is great; you get lots of sun, and you can just drop garbage wherever you want. In your free time you’ve taken up begging. Begging is brilliant conceptually, but tricky in practice since no one has any money. You beg twigs from the villagers, and they beg them back, but no one really seems to come out ahead. That’s just how life is sometimes. You’re quietly conquering people, minding your own business, when suddenly there’s a plague, or barbarians, or everyone’s illiterate, and it’s all you can do to cling to some wreckage as the storm passes through. Still, you are sure that, as always, you will triumph over this adversity, or at least do slightly better than everyone else.

It’s a celebration! People are dancing in the streets, and riding horses through the dance halls. You’ve finally formed an alliance with the barbarians to the north. Instead of the streets running red with blood, they’ll run, well, the usual color — let’s not focus on what color the streets run. The point is, there’s peace. Sure, negotiations were tricky. The barbarians are uncouth; they have no five-second rule and stick out the wrong finger when drinking tea. There are perks, too, though. They’ve given you skulls to drink mead out of and spices to get rid of the skull aftertaste. And you’ve given them stuff in return: forks, mirrors, pants. It’s great for everyone. And with this treaty out of the way, you can get to work on your other neighbors. Soon, all the allies will be yours.

Dominion: Allies, the 14th expansion in the Dominion series, contains 400 cards, with 31 new Kingdom card piles that contain allies who will do favors for you and split piles that you can rotate.

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. You’re not sure which, but at least you’ve narrowed it down. You are rich with life experiences, but have had trouble trading them for goods and services.

It’s time to seek your fortune, or anyone’s really — whoever’s is closest. To the west there’s a land of milk and honey, full of giant bees and monstrous cows; to the east, a land of eggs and licorice; to the north, treacherous swamps; to the south, loyal jungles. But all of them have been thoroughly pillaged. You’ve heard legends, though, of a fifth direction as yet unspoiled, with its treasures conveniently gathered into troves. You have your sword and your trail mix, handed down from your father, and his father before him. You’ve recruited some recruits and hired some hirelings; you’ve shined your armor and distressed a damsel. You put up a sign saying “Gone Adventuring”. Then you put up another sign, saying “Beware of Dog”, in case people get any ideas. You’re ready. You saddle up your trusty steed, and head florst.

Dominion: Adventures, the ninth addition to the game of Dominion, contains 400 cards, 60 tokens and six mats. This expansion has 30 new Kingdom cards, including the return of Duration cards that do things on future turns, plus Reserve cards that can be saved for the right moment. There are also 20 Event cards that give you something to buy besides cards, including tokens that modify cards.